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Truth for Bad Days

August 16, 2015 by Christina Kposowa in Faith

Today was hard. Musa and I came home from church too exhausted to say much of anything to one another. Meanwhile, Lincoln was just getting his second wind after his relaxing Sunday afternoon nap on the ride home.

"What does the gospel say about hard days?" I asked my husband as we sat motionless on our couch watching Lincoln destroy our living room. Surely, there is some Biblical truth relevant for the moment that, if understood, will make this moment more bearable, I think to myself.

Musa gives me a facial expression that lets me know he's too tired to think rationally. 

The hard thing about hard days is that they come unexpected. If I knew tomorrow would be particularly draining, or emotionally taxing the night before, I could prepare - spend some extra time in Scripture maybe, get a good night's sleep, call in reinforcements. But they come without warning. Out the clear blue sky.

One moment I'm fine, and the next moment I'm that mother in Target - you know, the one trying to console her kid who is screaming bloody murder because she just pried a sampler Yankee candle from his hand precious moments before walking through the security detectors. (The worst part is the looks from those who have never so much as babysat a child in their. entire. life.)

Is the gospel not for practical moments like these? Is it only for Sunday morning worship experiences with hands lifted high (when my kid is in nursery and my eyes are closed so I can't see them paging us even if they are?) Is my hope built on nothing less when skies are blue and gray? Is there any redemption for the days when I have to talk myself out of bed? When I have a horrible attitude with life? When I don't feel like cooking dinner, or folding one more load of laundry, or even thinking positive because I actually want to pity myself?

If my faith does not stand on hard days, how can I?

Thankfully, I'm not without hope. God didn't leave me to thug it out on hard days by myself. Today I was reminded of three truths about bad days, that did make it a little easier to endure:

1. Bad days come for us all - no exceptions. 

Oh what a comfort. Seriously, sometimes I feel like no one else is having it this hard. On bad days, I feel like everything in the universe is secretly conspiring against me and only me. But Jesus said plainly in His Word: "In this life you will have trouble." All of us. You. Me. Beyonce. Michelle Obama. Troubled hair, troubled kids, troubled relationships, troubled hearts, troubled homes ... all normal. Trouble is our lot because our world isn't as it should be. We're not living in paradise. We're living in, as my son's devotional says, somewhere between "Already and Not Yet." So troubled days shouldn't really be a surprise, even when they take us by surprise. Perfectly normal.

2. Trouble don't last always.

Sound cliche? It is, but it also just happens to be true. "Weeping may endure for night, but joy comes in the morning." I always took that verse to literally mean that if you go to sleep sad or angry, most times you wake up feeling better in the morning, and practically speaking, that is the case most (of course, not all) of the time. But I think the more accurate interpretation is that trouble comes for a season. It has an expiration date. The end destination is worth all the trouble we're enduring. In fact, in comparison, it won't seem like trouble at all.

3. Bad days reveal us.

As much as I hate bad days and trouble in general, how I handle them both, reveals a lot about my character and the specific areas where I need to grow. Today, for example, I got hot and cranky and impatient. I was uncomfortable, and I allowed myself to focus more on my circumstances than on the good of others around me (that's called selfishness, by the way.) 

I hate bad days, but as it turns out, they're really good teachers of very hard lessons. 

August 16, 2015 /Christina Kposowa
Faith
2 Comments

Confessions of a Failure

August 09, 2015 by Christina Kposowa in Marriage

Someone told my husband once that one of the most difficult things about being married is how often you fail. 

I failed miserably (again) tonight.

There we were: in the car, on the way home from a beautiful wedding, discussing a topic about which my husband and I both feel passionately. As the conversation progressed, I took the opportunity to lovingly challenge him in a particular area, which he received in the spirit I intended.

The conversation should have ended there, but instead, I ranted for the next five or 10 minutes, reiterating all the things that we (and by we I meant mainly my husband) needed to do in this particular area. Musa, who had been receptive just a few minutes before, suddenly grew quiet. It took me at least two minutes to notice.

When I felt I had sufficiently hammered my point home, I concluded: "I hope you don't think I'm lecturing you."

"Sometimes," he replied emotionlessly.

His answer hit me like a direct blow to my chest. He had called my bluff, I absolutely was lecturing, and it hurt me to admit that I had gone too far ... again.

If the idea of me lecturing my husband seems small or insignificant, understand that it's not. When you're married, you see the best and worst of your spouse. It's really easy to praise their strengths, and the things they naturally do well, but how you respond to their weaknesses, their shortcomings and all the areas in them that God wants to grow, that's a sign of true maturity.

As tempting as it is for me to take advantage of my husband's vulnerability in our marriage, it's an egregious sin. Beating someone over the head with their weakness is not only unwise, it's also painfully unloving and prideful. How can I, at length, point out a hundred areas where my husband needs to grow, as though I myself am perfectly lovable, teachable, submissive and respectful at all times? Surely he is bearing together with me and all my imperfections, especially while I am lecturing him, and in return he gets none of the patience, grace or mercy which the Lord freely offers me.

Now, is it wrong to talk with my husband about things I see in his life that may need change? Of course not. Is it wrong for me to speak in a way that makes him feel like he sucks at life? Yes. Is it wrong for me to think that somehow my long speeches can or will change him? Absolutely. God is the only one who can change hearts, and He doesn't need my help. When I lecture my husband to death, what I'm really saying is that I don't trust the power of God to work in his life. What I'm really saying is that I, not the Scriptures, or the Holy Spirit, set the standard to which He should aspire. 

And here's the real kicker - nine out of 10 times, the appropriate response to seeing a growth opportunity in my husband's life is prayer, not a lecture.

It's easier said than done, but I know from experience that it is most effective. If I lecture my husband about something, there's a chance he'll change because he feels bad, or maybe because he just wants to get me off his back. But how long will that last? On the other hand, when God shows my husband a specific area of his life that needs to change, He also provides the drive and the resources to help him change. That's life change, and that's the goal.

The bottom line is that as a wife, my position is one of support. I'm his cheerleader. I'm his biggest fan. I'm his confidant, and even though I see his weakness, I believe the absolute best about him at all times. I never want to bully him into change for my own comfort or satisfaction. Rather, I want to love him in a way that makes him comfortable letting his guard down. I want him to know that our marriage is a safe place for him to be who he truly is without fear of judgement or ostracism. And when I see areas where he needs to grow, and quite naturally I will, I want to be faithful in taking those things to the person who can help him and humble me.

So I failed again, and tonight I did what I've often done over the past three years of marriage, I confessed my wrong motives and apologized. And my wise husband's words were comfort: "I've been where you are. It's like walking the edge of a razor blade. Be repentant enough to hear God and change, but forgetful enough to not be discouraged."

Here I was telling him about an area he needed to change, when I was the one whose heart God was tugging on tonight.

I will continue to fail often in our marriage, but my husband is to me what I pray God will enable me to consistently be to him - gracious. 

"Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances." Proverbs 25:11

August 09, 2015 /Christina Kposowa
Marriage
2 Comments

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