In Fear of 30

My birthday is coming. And it is literally scaring me. 

Thirty. I'll be 30 years old. 

<Gah!>

Although the rest of my body - my metabolism, and my memory (or lack thereof), and my hair (grey all day) - has already comfortably settled into 30, my mind is still having some trouble.

30 sounds so ... adult. It sounds so mature. It will take some getting used to. 

I guess what I struggle with most is all the things I thought I would have accomplished by 30. I was never good at keeping goals on paper but that doesn't stop me from realizing I haven't attained them. 

I never worked for the magazine. Or wrote the book. Or lived in New York. 

Compared to the life I planned for myself, I'm far, far behind - far too far behind to catch up. 

So what's a 29-year old girl to do? I know the answer even though I still struggle to accept it. 

Embrace it. 

Embrace the fact that you're not where you thought you'd be, Christina. Embrace the fact that God has better plans for you than you could ever dream for yourself. Embrace your own inadequacy and insufficiency and instead turn over all your expectations for yourself to the one who knows best and never makes a mistake. 

It's true. I am not where I thought I would be at 30. I am married to the most amazing guy I know, with this beautiful social butterfly of a kid, in a home that is full of love and laughter, working at a job that has eternal significance with people who I sincerely enjoy.

That's my life at the moment. And it is good. Very, very good. 

So bring on the candles and birthday cake. I'm not ready for you 30, but I'm embracing you.

And Lord willing, many more.